Apt 999

I feel really awful when I have to act like I don't feel that way anymore. Feel really awful to pretend that I don't miss you. Or love you. Or want you. Or care about you. I feel really awful for feeling jealous of the girls you'll meet; any one of them having potential to be your next me.

Everytime I talk to you online, facestalk you, it's never the same. My heart feels like it's being ripped apart. I get that sinking feeling in the gut. My stomach gets flipped inside out. I feel hollow and my throat turns dry.

And then I think about us. And you. And the other people who love each other and have gotten back together. And my bizarrely real, vividly detailed dream. Then I feel hopeful. I feel sad but a tad hopeful and also foolish. Yet I acknowledge somewhere deep inside that maybe it really is over. And I shed tears for me. For us. For you?

I miss you.

I know I've said so - to let go - a long time ago.

Take me back.