Intro

I am utterly hopeless. Have been shamelessly self-inviting myself all over the place. Sigh. I feel like I'm trying too hard when I actually don't even wanna. Shrugs.
Feel like I ought to let some things go, but then there are other things that I should never overlook. I cannot control how people feel, but as long as I do my best I ought not to feel sorry. Do actions not speak a thousand words? When you say that you don't know how to convince me, and all you can give is your word; which if I do not accept, there is nothing else you can do; that's a lie, and it's not good enough for me and yet I still forgive. Never have you been completely honest; never have you bared your soul; never have you acknowledged openly the truths that I foretold. The choice is clear, but not easy.
Over the weekend one of my supposed closer girlfriends named a few of us within the huge clique as introverts, and explained that she could never grasp what we were thinking or what we felt because we didn't really tell the others voluntarily things that were on our minds. One of the fellow "introverts" discussed the point with me on the way to drop her off, and I feel like what was said is totally true and I knew exactly where she was coming from. I guess it's true to a certain extent that we don't open up, but the reasons for non-disclosure are different. Mmm. But yes, I am an introvert, though I suppose that's not technically the term she was looking for to describe us.

Am supposed to do major house-cleaning with Mother this week but somehow the week is filling up as I type, though I am doing all I can to bail out all my appointments and pour them into the subsequent weeks... Which are overflowing with French and Japanese syllabi that I need to fill my head with. Argh. I'm just getting so frustrated. Perhaps I should begin depriving myself of sleep, or else I will never have enough time. So much for a real break this summer.

There is no longer any need for me to dye my hair. Will go get a consult next week to finalise it all and then it's the fitting and hairshow in the final week of July, when I'm supposed to be holidaying overseas. I hope it's worth it.


XXX